Kennedy got her braces off Friday. Just in time for Halloween treats!
Present Tense
(PAST IMPERFECT)
Author Archives: Tim Elhajj
How to Sleep Alone in a King-Size Bed
The last good book I read was Theo Nestor’s divorce memoir, How to Sleep Alone in a King-Size Bed.
I can’t remember ever reading another memoir about divorce, but I enjoyed this one. The first chapter is essentially the Modern Love essay Theo wrote for the New York Times. The feedback she got from publishing her essay actually plays a small role in her transition from married to single mother. I wish the first chapter to my memoir would present itself to me in similar fashion, but no such luck.
Theo mentions that thing Dad would occasionally do when he and Mom were arguing. Dad would say, “If this were the Old Country, I could clap my hands three times and you would be divorced.” Sometimes Dad would even clap his hands once for effect. Theo says that’s a Sunni tradition, but I wonder if it isn’t pan-Arab. Dad was Catholic and he seemed pretty familiar with it.
Of course, Mom didn’t care about any clapping hands nonsense. She would just shrug her shoulders and say, “This ain’t the Old Country.”
Shalom Auslander at Elliott Bay Books
Shalom Auslander appeared at Elliott Bay last night to promote the paperback edition of his memoir, Foreskin’s Lament.
What struck me most is how serious and intense he is. I guess I should have realized this about him from his promotional photo, which simply screams I am a serious and intense author. But his work, which I love, just seems much too funny to come from anyone so grave.
Except for a single man who laughed loudly in all the right places, the reading felt a little like a wake. Despite this, I enjoyed myself. I got a chance to hang out with Matt Briggs and talk shop. And it’s always good to get into Seattle for a night.
Auslander said he considers memoir to be the literary equivalent of pornography. I’m pretty sure he was serious. I guess he only wants to write fiction, but his memoir is really good.
Your Ex Wants You Back
It’s true White as Milk, I’ve been around.
I got tired of your fonts and your narrow view of my posts. Your white background bored me. I wanted something different. There was short dalliance with The Journalist v1.9. I hate to admit it, but I even spent a night with DePo Masthead and Black-LetterHead (not at the same time, mind you).
What was I thinking?
Last night I came to my senses, White as Milk. I love how your posts are left justified, while your menu leans to the right. I realize now how much I long for the cute way you stack my tags. The way you squeeze each and every one of my uploads between impossibly thin margins.
O, I’ve been a fool, White as Milk!
Please, forgive me. I swear I’ll never leave you again.
Brevity, Briefly
The Brevity blog is now using the Journalist theme, which includes a little word balloon for the tag line. I love how it makes the old dude in the Brevity icon look like he is offering concise writing advice.
I have a piece forthcoming at Brevity, the magazine. It’s an essay called Jimi Don’t Play Here No More. Most of the authors who published stories in the recent issue of Brevity have also written blog posts on the Brevity blog. These posts offer the writer’s opinion on their piece or some insight into how it was written. Even though I hadn’t been asked, I already wrote a blog post about my story, Jimi Don’t Player Here No More. Can you tell I’m excited?
This is my first published story about using dope or my ordeal in New York City.
Gary Presley, Author of 7 Wheelchairs, a Life Beyond Polio, Interviewed on Iowa Public Radio
My friend Gary Presley’s interview on Iowa Public Radio is live. Gary wrote, 7 Wheelchairs, a Life Beyond Polio, which just recently came to press, so now he is doing the marketing thing. I am reading my copy of his book right now.
I also recently got a phone call from Elliott Bay Book Company here in Seattle to say that they just got the book in. I was downtown last week and noticed they didn’t have it, so I asked them to order me a copy, even though I already had mine from Amazon. I’ll sleep easier knowing that a qaulity book store like Elliott Bay has Gary’s book on its shelves.
You can check out the streaming version of the interview or download the podcast.
Greek Shrimp Scampi
I love shrimp dishes. But unless you make it yourself, these dishes never come with enough shrimp in them to achieve satiety. When I heat this up in the lunch room, all my colleages suddenly look like they’re going to drop over to my office for a little lunch time meeting.
I like this over brown rice. The rice isn’t included in the calorie count below. I typically use two bags of frozen shrimp, and let it thaw in the fridge before I make it. The hardest part is chopping up the tomatoes, but it’s worth it.
Ingredients:
- 4 teaspoons extra-virgin olive oil
- 8 large cloves garlic, minced
- 30-40 jumbo or tiger shrimp, peeled and rinsed
- 10 small fresh tomatoes, diced (~4 Cups)
- 12 ounces low fat or non fat crumbled feta cheese (~2 Cups)
- 1 to 4 teaspoons fresh lemon juice (to taste)
- 2 teaspoons dried dill
- 1 teaspoon sea salt
Steps:
- Heat olive oil over medium heat in skillet; add garlic and cook for about 30 seconds.
- Add shrimp and saute on each side for 1 minute or until they are pink on the surface.
- Add the tomatoes and feta to the pan and stir until sauce begins to form, about 6 minutes.
- Stir in lemon juice, dill, and salt; cover and simmer for 4 minutes or until sauce thickens. Yield: 8 servings (serving size ~1 1/2 Cups)
Calories 246; fat 12 grams; protien 31 grams; carbs 7 grams. Adapted from a recipe by Karina Tanguay.
Destination Seattle
Holly and I took a little vacation last week.
We had our getaway all planed out, but we still hadn’t settled on a destination, even though my mother-in-law had arrived and it was the morning we were supposed to leave. I wasn’t looking forward to the long drive but had been lobbying half-heartedly for somewhere in Oregon, perhaps Ashland or somewhere along the coast. Holly suggested a few of our past haunts: Portland, or north to British Columbia. We even considered a little college town just before the Canadian boarder.
With the clock ticking, we finally settled on Seattle, which sounds like desperation but ended up feeling like a whole new town without the kids. We saw a show at the Paramount (Phantom of the Opera), did a reading at Eliott Bay Book Company and saw an exhibit at a local art school. Plus lots of good food and long walks.
I remember my mom and dad taking a trip on their own when I was about 7 or 8. When they got back, I asked Mom if she missed us. I fully expected her to tell me how badly she missed me and all my siblings, but instead she just looked at me for what seemed like a very long time.
Finally she said, “Yeah. I missed you.” I knew there was something she wasn’t telling me, but I couldn’t imagine her enjoying herself on her own. I completely understand that long silence now.
Here is Holly on the Harbor steps. I love those posts on the left, which somehow make the picture.
Me hanging out at the Lusty Lady. Rome may be burning, but the Lady still has a sense of humor.
How I Got My Story Published in the New York Times: The Truth of the Matter
When Dan Jones of the New York Times called about publishing one of my stories for Modern Love, I was delighted. I was also determined not to let him know I had a drug history. Dan had emailed me that he thought my story might work well for Father’s Day and wanted to discuss it more by phone. I immediately thought: Don’t tell him about the drugs. He’ll think you’re a loser. But then when he called, we talked for less than five minutes before my drug history came up.
It went something like this:
“So if your son was in Pennsylvania with your ex-wife, what were you doing in New York City?” Dan asked.
I chuckled demurely. Lying seemed like a bad idea.
“Well,” I said taking a deep breath. “That’s another story.”
I’M A PC
I went to the company meeting yesterday. Steve Ballmer reminds me of one of the uncles on my mother’s side of the family. He talks loud, has a good sense of humor, and plenty of passion. I can easily imagine him sitting at the kitchen table with a bottle of beer and a red face, discussing the Rollers’ upcoming fate, deriding the coaches, or extolling teams from the past.
I like the new advertising campaign. I got my first PC in the early 90s. It was a 386, with so little RAM you could count it on your fingertips. What a step up from my electronic typewriter! When I installed Windows 3.11, I remember getting a cramp in my shoulder trying to figure out how to operate the mouse.
Now I find I can’t get by without at least three PCs at home. I have four at work (not counting virtual machines). Sometimes Holly says she wants a Mac. She thinks everything will be easier if she gets a Mac.
I tell her, You don’t want a Mac.
She may be right. Everything may very well be easier on a Mac, but when things go wrong (as we all know they must), I will not be able to help.
Why?
Becasue I’m a PC!
Present Tense 