Author Archives: Tim Elhajj

Katha Pollitt has Balls

Katha Pollitt is my latest hero.

I wasn’t even familiar with her work until I heard her on a recent episode of NPR’s Fresh Air. An American feminist writer, Pollitt is perhaps best known for her column “Subject to Debate” in The Nation magazine.

But all that means squat to me. Ms. Pollitt is my new hero because she has balls.

Her new book, Learning to Drive and Other Life Stories, includes essays about discovering her boyfriend was unfaithful and her subsequent response, which included web-stalking him. Her friends cautioned her about publishing these stories. What kind of self-respecting feminist tells stories like these? 

Discussing her motivations for publishing, Pollitt articulates something anyone who writes personal essays or memoir knows is true. Here is Katha Pollitt on Fresh Air (probably within the first 6 minutes of air time):

In American literature now you can tell the most horrible things about yourself — you can be a heroin addict or a sex worker (not that those things are so horrible, but let’s just say) — as long as the arc of the story is, “I used to be bad and now I’m good” [or] “I used to be sick and now I’m well.”

But what you can’t do is really present, in a full detailed emotional way, what it feels like to be in an ordinary loser situation and just tell what it was like.

There has to be a moral in American literature. This is one of the big problems.

I have felt these same things approaching some of my essays. As an unpublished writer with few political affiliations, the stakes are much different for me than for Ms. Pollitt. But even with little name recognition, anyone who writes honestly about their lives puts it on the line in a way that other writers never really do. I am glad Ms. Pollitt had the courage to publish her work, even if she risks losing some of her luster in certain circles.

Of course, Katha Pollitt had balls long before she chose to publish Learning to Drive. Here is my favorite Pollitt story from a quick scan of the Web.

Citing Pollitt’s lack of patriotism, Bernard Goldberg named her number 74 in his book 100 People Who Are Screwing Up America. This was because Pollitt wrote a response to the September 11, 2001 attacks, Put Out No Flags, in which she argued for restraint. As if calling for moderation in autumn 2001 wasn’t gutsy enough, she responded to Goldberg’s criticism by writing, “Memo to self: Must try harder.”

What a great gal.

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The BFG

Whenever I hear BFG, I think BFG 9000 from the old video game Doom, which featured an epic battle with monsters from hell by a futuristic space-marine.

In context of the game, I’m pretty sure BFG is an acronym for Big Fucking Gun. This is just how military people talk. For example, in the torpedo room of the boat where I served, any hammer over 10 ounces was known as a BFH. In the military, people extended this naming metaphor to just about everything, including large chicken breasts in the mess line (gimme dat BFB, son).

So I was surprised when Kennedy asked me to read The BFG.

 

I hadn’t even known about the Roald Dahl book until she suggested I read it. For Dahl, BFG stands for Big Friendly Giant. Over the summer Kennedy read it herself. Most every morning, I find her awake in her bedroom, reading something. If it’s not Dahl, it’s a Nancy Drew mystery or something from the Warriors series (think: Lord of the Rings with cats). Although she had already read The BFG, she checked it out of the library, just because it was familiar and an old favorite. When she found out I hadn’t read it, she insisted I take it on. Now when I tickle-attack her, I claim I am the BFD (Big Friendly Dad) and she squeals with delight.

It’s great having nine year olds that love to read (Aaron’s into Calvin and Hobbs and Garfield). But how much longer can it be before Dad and even tickle-attacks fall out of favor? How much longer before my kids won’t bring home anymore library books for me to read? 

Will BFD ever come to mean something entirely different to the kids? As long as it’s not Big Fat Dad, I won’t complain.

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The Internet Meme Post

Until I read about it on Sarah’s blog, I wasn’t sure what a meme was.

Now I realize it’s one of those things that sweeps across the Internet, making me feel all old and unhip. The last one I remember was All Your Base Are Belong To Us. Apparently you don’t need a poorly translated Japanese video game to attempt this sort of thing, as my friends are asking me to participate in our own grass roots phenomenon. We’re writing a meme about our strengths as writers.

My three greatest strengths as a writer are 1) having had good teachers, 2) being militantly on my own side, and 3) sticking it out for the long haul.

I had excellent writing teachers in college. I knew they were good teachers at the time, but I didn’t realize what an asset this was for me until recently. Not long ago a guy with an MFA started at my day job and he explained to me that writing workshops have gone out of style. A dozen years ago the workshop was the highlight of my academic experience. There may have been a few in-class written exercises, possibly even a (short) lecture or two. But in the writing classes, we mostly workshopped. My friend with the MFA explained that writing classes that focus exclusively on workshops are now generally viewed as a poor idea, because students tend to rip one another’s work apart. I can see how that would happen (especially in an MFA program). There’s someone like that in every class. In my undergraduate classes, it wasn’t so much that my teachers managed to carve out a safe place in their classrooms (they certainly did), but rather they taught us how to figure out what was working in a piece and to focus on that part. This, I think, has made all the difference. So here’s to Louise DeSalvo, Jenny Shute, Bill Root, and Donna Masini (I’m sure I’ve forgotten a few).

Being militantly on your own side is a phrase I read in an Anne Lamott book, but I immediately decided to steal it for my own. To me it means sticking up for my work, no matter what the consequences. Probably the result of a lifetime of low self-esteem, here is how it works: I pretend my work (especially new work) is like the retarded little brother I never had. My work may slobber a little when it laughs, have cowlicks that jut oddly from its skull, or wear its pants pulled way up above its bellybutton. In my heart I know that each of these deficiencies will have to be looked at and objectively weighed and ultimately sorted out. That’s all okay. But nobody gets to disrespect my retarded little brother.

Sticking it out for the long haul just means consistently finding time to write. Somehow I manage to find a little time each week to devote to writing. If anything, I owe Holly a huge debt of gratitude for her support. And in return I am going to tag her to write about her strengths as a writer.

Holly Huckeba

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Murder She Spoke

Alice Sebold is on tour for her new book, and last night Kennedy and I went to see her.

I read somewhere that writers have responsibilities that go beyond writing, namely buying books and attending readings. Because I feel guilty buying so many books, this idea is immensely satisfying for me. It’s not just another book to pile in stacks on the floor, it’s an investment in my career. Readings are something else altogether. I never feel guilty about going to readings. Instead I feel uncomfortable, especially in the little receiving line to get my book signed. Even though I know Alice, last night was no different.

Alice remembered me, which was nice. I presented Kennedy, but this seemed to baffle Alice. One of the guys I work seemed shocked when he heard I was taking my daughter to the reading. And I’ll admit I wondered if it was the right thing to do myself. Alice’s big theme is violence to women, and her new book even features a matricide. But Kennedy got so excited about our date after I first suggested it, I didn’t have the heart to leave her at home. Lucky for me Alice picked something to read that didn’t require any explaining.

So another reading under my belt. Alice looks pretty much like I remember her, except a little bit older.

Speaking of writer responsibilities, last week I submitted my story, The Solution to All My Problems, to Tin House, primarily because their Spring issue is themed “Off the Grid,” by which they mean “stories about people that function out of the bounds of “normal” society.” It probably behooves me to do more research on journals, but the deadline for submissions was fast approaching, so I just made sure they publish non-fiction and sent it out.

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I Sent Ira Glass An Essay About My …

This American Life is one of my favorite radio shows.

The danger with submitting an essay to them is that when they reject it, I may be too hurt to continue listening to their show. And that would be a shame, because I really like the show. Earlier this month, I sent them my story, The Solution to All My Problems.

I’m also looking at some other journals that don’t mind simultaneous submissions. For the next issue of Tin House, the theme is “Off the Grid.” They’re looking for nonfiction “by or about people or institutions that function (or don’t function) out of the bounds of “normal” society.”  

This story sort of freaks me out. Now that I’ve sent it to my writing group, I feel compelled to keep sending it out until I find it a home. If I can’t find it a place on public radio or in a nice lit mag, I’ll send it to the Grapevine.

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Submit!

I’ve decided to start submitting my creative non-fiction work to lit mags. I’ve only ever submitted a few stories in my life, but never have I had anything published. As always, I could use some help.

Despite my inexperience, I’ve come up with a few guidelines:

No longer will I submit to contests or magazines that require fees. I’m not in this for the money (I would be hard pressed to earn more with literary than technical writing). And I realize that having work rejected is part and parcel of the literary writing game. But paying a fee to have your work ignored seems silly. I’m not completely ruling out paying a fee, but I’ve only got so much time for submitting work, and the fee-based venues go to the bottom of the sort.

If I ain’t in it for the money, I am in it to boost my fragile ego (or at least earn some bragging rights). I am shooting for the best non-fiction publications, or at least the ones that will publish my work. This is where I could use the most help. When I asked my friend Gary Presley what he thought were some of the more prestigious non-fiction magazines, he offered some suggestions (links appear below my blogroll). One of my friends from the IWW suggested The Sun Magazine for a piece I recently submitted for critique.

For Christmas one year, Holly gave me one of those thick books that list all the publishers, but I haven’t found it too useful. It lists magaiznes by how much they pay and the genres they publish, but there wasn’t a particularly comprehensive list of non-fiction publications. For example, I could’t find listed Creative Non-Fiction Magazine or Brevity, which are the only two literary magazines that focus solely on creative non-fiction.

It looks like finding a venue that matches your own particular style is the toughest part about submitting (or if not the toughest, at least the first part). It doesn’t help that a lot of these magazines don’t have recent issues online or free back issues. Research is going to take an investment of time and money, but I don’t see any other way. 

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iTouch You Once, iTouch You Twice, I Just Got an iPod at the Retail Price

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I am so happy with my new iPod!

It’s one of those fancy new ones that you operate using just your finger. Although I have only had mine for about a week, I find I touch it every day. On Holly’s iPod I mostly listened to podcasts, especially NPR’s This American Life and Fresh Air. But last night I was up until all hours of the morning fooling with my MP3 files in iTunes. Something about an MP3 collection really brings out the obsessive compulsive disorder in me.

Today I upgraded my Tivo software so that I can transfer television shows to my iPod. I rarely watch TV, but I like keeping up with my current favorites, like Office and Heroes. The Tivo software is a bit of a Rube Goldberg contraption, especially if you want to put video from the PC onto the device, but I finally figured it out. The screen is a little small for subtitle text, so the Japanese sequences in the Heroes season premiere were a challenge, but I was mostly able to follow along. Music videos really shine.

The interface is awesome. I love the pinch zoom, especially for photographs. My fingers are a little fat to do some web pages easily, but the wireless iTunes store is easy to navigate and generally very slick. I can see using wireless for quick look ups and reading pages, but updating my blog or sending e-mail goes better on the computer.

I wouldn’t even have this if Holly hadn’t suggested it and then pretty much insisted.

Thank you, buddy! You’re the best.

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The Call of Jury Duty

I had jury duty yesterday and today.

I’ve done this about three time in the last few years and this time I was actually pre-selected for a case, along with 40 or 50 other people. But pre-selection doesn’t mean you’re on the hook for a trial. The attorneys first have to select the actual jurors from the pool of pre-selected people. All this was very new to me.

The prosecutor and the defense attorney took turns posing open ended questions to our group. It all felt very preliminary and I kept wishing we would get on with the process. Right after lunch I realized the opened ended questioning was the process. By the time I figured out what was going on, it was time for selection. When the prosecuting attorney excused me, I felt a little rejected, like I hadn’t made the cut. But then I remembered I didn’t want to spend the next few days involved in a trial, and I perked up.

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Feral is as Feral Does

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Pace rolled in shit again this weekend.

I know he’s just a dog, but for some reason I expect more from him. Saturday was busy for me, but I thought I would give him a quick walk around the park before going into work. I was listening to an NPR podcast on my wife’s Ipod when I looked down and he was rolling in the dirt. He’s just trying to mask his sent so he can sneak up on squirrels, but it makes me crazy. A 20 minute walk turned into a big clean up chore and he had to stay in the house the rest of the day so he didn’t catch cold. Pissed me off, but I’m not getting rid of him.

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