So my old BMW Series 3 was creamed by a trash truck in the summer. I can still drive it. But it was too old to get repaired, so I frittered away the insurance money on whatever.

Now, however, I have a problem.

My trunk is filling up with water! Whenever it rains, the trunk fills with water. There is no drain plug to drain some parts of the trunk, particularly the little space behind the wheel well on the drivers side. How annoying is this?! It turns out that in the back fender that got smashed there is a little vent that normally vents the gas tank but the fender around this vent is now mangled in such a way that the vent is allowing water into my trunk at an alarming rate.

So. What are my options?

1. Do nothing.
2. Bail the trunk out every few nights.
3. Jam a towel into the vent.

I tried option #1 for the longest time. But it did not work. Now the carpets in the backseat are soaked with water.

I tried option #2, but this is the Pacific Northwest and it’s rainy season. I can’t keep up!

I am now on my last option: #3.

However, the cold has descended onto the Pacific Northwest so now the towel is frozen in place. There are little ice stalagmites hanging from the bottom of the trunk hood. I have to pry the trunk up to look inside. There is so much moisture in the cabin of my car, I have to scrape the outside and the inside of my windshield to drive. Of course, this is all terrible. I am just going to get a new car.

Meantime, I have one question: Is there any chance that by plugging the vent to the gas tank with a frozen towel that the car might blow up, resulting in a fatality?

No really. Serious question here.

Pace rolled in shit again this weekend.

I know he’s just a dog, but for some reason I expect more from him. Saturday was busy for me, but I thought I would give him a quick walk around the park before going into work. I was listening to an NPR podcast on my wife’s Ipod when I looked down and he was rolling in the dirt. He’s just trying to mask his sent so he can sneak up on squirrels, but it makes me crazy. A 20 minute walk turned into a big clean up chore and he had to stay in the house the rest of the day so he didn’t catch cold. Pissed me off, but I’m not getting rid of him.

Aaron in command of the ATV’s throttle and me wishing I were somewhere else. On our recent vacation, my whole family visited my older brother Tom, who owns 40 acres somewhere in the hills of southwestern Pennsylvania. The ATVs are very popular with the nephews. I had a blast with them, too.

At one point in the afternoon Aaron came over to me and said, “Guess what I want for Christmas, Dad?” I caught my brother Tony snickering so I knew what Aaron was going to ask for.

“An ATV?” I asked him. “You ask your Uncle Tony for that!”

Last night during dress rehearsal for the play, I tried on a pair of tights and was astonished at how difficult it was. You have to sit down and really work one leg into them at a time. I suppose it doesn’t help that I am over two-hundred pounds.

Also, it’s not obvious how one is supposed to get the crotch of the tights to meet the crotch of the wearer. I found deep knee bends and karate kicks to be the most effective strategies. Meanwhile, tugging the waist band and lifting the crotch are futile endeavors.

Wearing tights makes you feel warm. It’s either that or it’s the level of exertion required to get the tights on that heats you up.

The tights I am wearing are borrowed, which also makes me feel uncomfortable. Here I am describing a feeling that goes beyond a saggy crotch and warm legs. I feel as if I am borrowing skivvies or using an old toothbrush. Should I spray these tights with some sort of antibacterial before I put them on?

I felt deeply satisfied with myself. So satisfied that I then attempted my own bunny-hop. I didn’t realize it, but I was standing on a slight incline. In a blaze of karmic glory, my 215 lb frame came down hard on my ankle, twisting it unmercifully.

My ankle hurts so bad I had to take off work today. There is little to no swelling. Do you use ice or heat for a twisted ankle?