Posts Tagged ‘unfortunate decisions’

Feral is as Feral Does

October 1, 2007

11-28-2006 065

Pace rolled in shit again this weekend.

I know he’s just a dog, but for some reason I expect more from him. Saturday was busy for me, but I thought I would give him a quick walk around the park before going into work. I was listening to an NPR podcast on my wife’s Ipod when I looked down and he was rolling in the dirt. He’s just trying to mask his sent so he can sneak up on squirrels, but it makes me crazy. A 20 minute walk turned into a big clean up chore and he had to stay in the house the rest of the day so he didn’t catch cold. Pissed me off, but I’m not getting rid of him.

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Aaaaahhhhhhhhh!

September 19, 2007

9-4-2007 065

Aaron in command of the ATV’s throttle and me wishing I were somewhere else. On our recent vacation, my whole family visited my older brother Tom, who owns 40 acres somewhere in the hills of southwestern Pennsylvania. The ATVs are very popular with the nephews. I had a blast with them, too.

At one point in the afternoon Aaron came over to me and said, “Guess what I want for Christmas, Dad?” I caught my brother Tony snickering so I knew what Aaron was going to ask for.

“An ATV?” I asked him. “You ask your Uncle Tony for that!”

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Pantyhose: Not As Easy As You Might Think

August 15, 2007

Last night during dress rehearsal for the play, I tried on a pair of tights and was astonished at how difficult it was. You have to sit down and really work one leg into them at a time. I suppose it doesn’t help that I am over two-hundred pounds.

Also, it’s not obvious how one is supposed to get the crotch of the tights to meet the crotch of the wearer. I found deep knee bends and karate kicks to be the most effective strategies. Meanwhile, tugging the waist band and lifting the crotch are futile endeavors.

Wearing tights makes you feel warm. It’s either that or it’s the level of exertion required to get the tights on that heats you up.

The tights I am wearing are borrowed, which also makes me feel uncomfortable. Here I am describing a feeling that goes beyond a saggy crotch and warm legs. I feel as if I am borrowing skivvies or using an old toothbrush. Should I spray these tights with some sort of antibacterial before I put them on?

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Ultimate Humiliation: A Bunny-hopping Injury

June 18, 2007

I went to play laser tag yesterday with another dad and my kids. We ended up playing with a dozen other strangers, one of which was a teenager who started vigorously bunny-hopping when I tried to target him. Something about this kid immediately pissed me off. Not sure why, but I took a strong dislike to him that goes beyond mere bunny-hopping. We were in a game where hits were undervalued so I just walked up to him, held my laser inches from his high value shoulder sensor, and repeatedly knocked him out, his bunny-hopping be damned. This went on for about two or three minutes until he moved on.

I felt deeply satisfied with myself. So satisfied that I then attempted my own bunny-hop. I didn’t realize it, but I was standing on a slight incline. In a blaze of karmic glory, my 215 lb frame came down hard on my ankle, twisting it unmercifully.

My ankle hurts so bad I had to take off work today. There is little to no swelling. Do you use ice or heat for a twisted ankle?

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